My new WHY.  Why do I need a new WHY??  What IS a WHY???  A Why is a reason.  Whenever a person starts something new, they have a reason.  Relationships, parenthood, pets, job, etc...  WHY.  Sometimes that why is money based and sometimes it is love/emotional based.  If the reason IS money based, then the emotion behind it must somewhere, or your why will fizzle.  Emotion drives you to stick with something.  It drives you to STAY and work harder.  Can you imagine if you became a parent for the financial reasons? Oh, now we get a child credit on taxes YAY!  Oh, now the baby isn't letting us sleep.  Let's give her back... NO, it doesn't work that way.  LOVE and EMOTION need to be the drivers of your why AND you need to have a goal.  If you don't have a goal, do you really have a why?   

So, now I find myself needing a new why.  I have had a number of why's for doing what I do, but each why has been met with a goal, and each goal has been achieved.  

If I am going to talk specifically, I started in direct sales because I needed money.  I LOVED the product and knew I could share it.  I also had young children and wanted to spend more time with them, so I needed another income so I could take summers off from my job.  MONEY and LOVE.  

It was the reason of both that kept me going.  MONEY was the reason I could keep going too.  I was actually accomplishing my goal and living my WHY. Now I needed another.  

My next WHY was HUGE!!!  It also was attached to a big money goal. I needed to make enough money so I could QUIT my full time job and finally be the stay at home mom I had always dreamed of AND still contribute to the household income. After goal setting and family discussions of what this looked like, a lot of hard work, many sleepless nights, sacrificing time WITH my family, I ACHIEVED WHAT I SET OUT TO DO!!!  Done.  I quit my job.  Now I am a stay at home mom with a thriving direct sales business.  I did it.  I am happy.  I am satisfied.  

Then I stop to think.  Am I really satisfied? Part of me is.  HAPPY, yes.  very much so.  However, I know there is more.  If I stay "satisfied" will I lose my passion?  The simple answer is yes.  I need a new WHY.  I need a reason to continue working hard.  I need a goal, and I need my WHY to be able to be envisioned.  What do I see myself doing, and how am I going to get there?

I see myself standing on a stage.  There are thousands of people in the room and all eyes are on me.  I start to speak.  People listen.  When I am finished, people are happy.  They feel good.  They feel like they can accomplish ANYTHING.  For the time, they feel enough and that feeling will put them into a forward motion of setting those goals to be the best version of themselves.  I helped that happen.  I want to help people live up to their potential and become the best version of themselves.  Live more enriching lives.  That is what I want to do. 

How do I put that into a why?  

My WHY is now this.  

The reason I share these products is to help people see how easy it is to make small changes that will help them life a healthier and more fulfilled life. I share the business opportunity because I have witnessed first hand how even small financial changes can impact a person.  As the numbers grow on my team, the number of people who I have helped live a more enriched life grow.  The more people I help doubles every time I help ONE person, because now THAT person will believe in themselves and share their experience with another.  I want to help build confidence in people so they can help build confidence in others.  I want to be a change maker.

I feel like I still need to condense and simplify this.  I need to take a walk and squirrel hunt with my sweet dog...  This WHY is "too be continued"...

I just need to dump out my issues here.  Write them down.  From September 2-15, 3 people in my families lives have died.  
I have the Rotavirus.  UGH...  Ran to the bathroom at 4 a.m. to get rid of the veggies I ate for dinner...
Super frustrated.  I didn't screw on the top of my daughter's tea mug today and she spilled it all over her leg causing burns.  She has homecoming this weekend and she has a short dress.....
I accidentally left my $100 basket at my last hostess's house AND she said she divided up to her friends because she thought that is what she was supposed to do!!!  WHAT?????????
I am supposed to write a training on team culture and so far, I haven't started.  I am going through the motions of my team management, but not feeling it right now.  I have had SO many different emotions going through my brain these past few weeks I can't even describe it.  
PLUS, my poor mom has been sick and in so much pain from an abdominal infection 
and it makes me SO sad to talk to her.  I want to help, but I can't.  I can only pray she gets the healing she deserves.

ok.  That is all I am going to complain about now.  Tomorrow is a new day.

Oh my gosh.  What is a squirrel??  You all know it as a furry and cute creature who gathers nuts and runs up trees.  Here is what I see it as...  a distraction. A diversion. Something that takes us off a path of normalcy.  

I wrote about my friend Anna.  That was September 2nd. that she passed. Well, here we are on the 16th.  In this past week my husband lost his favorite uncle, Pat.  This was the guy who fished, hung out, and made everyone feel Special.

Here is a bigger OMG...  Taite lost a classmate this week.  This person chose to skip out on school early, NOT wear a seatbelt, and was ejected from the car.  OMG. That is all I have to say. In fact, I am going to pause...

I am back finishing the draft I started on Friday.  Taite is at the funeral.  She spent the weekend with friends.  They attended the wake, and now they are together again.  The classmate was half Ojibwe.  She has been around his family and is seeing the traditions of the tribe along with the outreach of support.  Every time I look at her, she just looks sad.  This kids wasn't her close friend, but was close friends with SOME of her close friends.  He was her classmate and he died in a car crash that could have been avoided. 4 other people where in the car.  2 are still in the hospital. 1 is on life support.  I pray for those kids, and I pray for the parents.  WORST nightmare ever.  

These past 2 weeks have brought out SO much reflection.  How short and precious life is and how we all need to slow down and take time to be thankful for our health and our lives.  Don't take small things for granted.  Hug those you love.  Tell people around you that you love them.  Don't be afraid to show your emotions.  Cry, talk, just be real...

Jackson didn't go on a walk today.  He has been a little panicky.  Every time I walk to the door he follows me, thinking I am going to leave him.  Funny dog.  He did ride with me to drop the kids off at school.  He saw a squirrel and did his famous SQUIRREL SCREAM.  It was so funny.

I am not really feeling funny right now.  I actually don't feel good.  That is what alfredo sauce and lactose sensitive will do to a person.  OH, but it was SO good.  I think I may take a nap.  Good thing I wrote that down, because I usually don't like to admit that.  I just don't feel good. 


​

On our walk today we saw a puppy.  This puppy was SO cute!  He was full of energy, tail was wagging, and Jackson was intrigued.  He pulled on the leash to try and get to the side of the street to where the puppy was. His tail was wagging and Jackson was excited. As soon as we got over there, his tail stopped.  He started his low growl and smelled the puppy.  The puppy was excited, bouncing up and down and trying to engage with Jack.  Jackson growled and then...  started barking.  UGH.  

I scolded Jackson with the tone of my voice, pulled him away from the puppy and apologized to the owner.  Jackson has "short dog" syndrome.  I guess I can't blame him.  His legs ARE only 6 inches long.  However, it frustrates me that he doesn't have confidence around other dogs and comes of as the BULLY.  

His sister Lily, IS a bully.  She has been the Alpha dog in our family since the beginning.  She is 10 weeks older than Jackson and was first in our family. She noses him out of the way when she wants the lap he is sitting on.  She gets to eat first because he has learned to patiently wait.  She hogs the bed.  She attacks him after he comes in from his walk and starts smelling him.  She is smelling all the things she is missing. I am guessing she is probably wondering where he has been.  The walk, the squirrel chase, the wetness of his fur, THIS is the one place where Jackson is the Alpha in our home.  Lily has extreme anxiety, and even with the help of medication, she can't handle going on a walk.  She will wiggle around in her harness so much she will free herself. She is like Houdini. HONESTLY.  Even with it tight, she can break free.  She wants to be at home.

At first, I had a hard time leaving her alone, and then I thought "why?".  Why should I deprive my other dog of life experiences just because Lily can't do it.  It is not fair.

So, this is how we do it.  Jackson and I walk, and Lily waits impatiently at home.  It is on our walks with other dogs I get to see Jackson try on the Alpha hat.  Is it good?  Is it bad?  I don't know the answer.  I just know that going on these daily walks mean freedom in expression and personality for my dog.  There is no one telling him what to do.  No one biting him if he is getting in the way.

It makes me think of life, being a leader, and my own role in both of those.  I am not a bully.  My role in my leadership is to include everyone.  I don't care if people are in my commissionable downline, meaning I don't care if I am making a % off their performance.  I want my team to feel included.  Even the most recent of consultants on my team. I want them to feel like they belong. I don't want to exclude anyone.  I want them to know I will go to bat for them.  I will help them find the way to fulfilling what they want, but I WILL not do it for them.  This was a big thing for me to learn.  I want my team to know who I am, respect me, love me, and appreciate me.  I want my team to do kind things for others because I am modeling kindness to them.  I want to lead a team of GOOD people.  Kind, thoughtful, and self sacrificing.  I want to lead a team of true PEOPLE CHANGERS.  Not just people who are helping get rid of harmful chemicals in home and making environments safer. YES, that is a big part in what we all do in my organization.  I want my team to want to genuinely HELP people.  NOT for the money, but because it matters.

Even though I am the leader of this team, I do not want to be seen as the Alpha.  I want to be seen as STRONG, CONFIDENT, HELPFUL, and KIND.

 As I sit in my kitchen this a.m, I reflect. Here I am healthy, happy, and alive.  I am full of thoughts and ideas.  Anna's visitation, funeral, and benefit are behind me now and the future is in front of me.

Ryan, her husband spoke at her benefit last night.  He spoke with love and passion when he spoke about WHO Anna was to him and HOW she changed and touched the lives of both him AND so many people around him.

Anna was a beautiful soul and had such insight of life.  Ryan read an email she had emailed to herself 17 years ago.  It was about a man standing in front of a room full of people with tears in their eyes.  Reading about a loved one who had passed.  He read the dates of birth and death, but the piece that needs to be noticed the most, is the dash in between the dates.  The dash represents how she lived her life.  WOW. It was SO powerful, and so fitting for the night.  Anna also wrote a letter to all of us. She thanked us for all the love and support so many of us gave.  

She knew.  She knew it was her time...

I pause on that thought for a moment.  Trying to imagine the feelings of anger, confusion, or contentment one must feel when faced with that reality.  ESPECIALLY when you are so young and have little kids.

How would I feel?  

I honestly don't even know if I can go there in my thoughts right now.  Actually, I know I cannot.  What I have learned and discovered in the past few months is that life IS short and we ALL have gifts inside of us.  So many of us are afraid to let those gifts out, but they NEED to be released.  They need to be set free, because if our time comes before they are free, there will be so many gifts lost.  Lost forever.  EVERYONE has a gift, and it is up to each person to realize what that is and to have the courage to show the world.

I KNOW as a mom, the gifts that my children have been blessed with will NEVER be squashed.  They will be ENCOURAGED.  So many adults are afraid to dream. Afraid to believe they could be more than what they are.  So many people did not have that person in their life who told them they can do anything or BE anything.  My children have and will continue to hear that from both my hubby and myself.  

Speaking of the hubby.  I LOVE that guy.  John is my partner and best friend.  He is my equal in so many ways and we compliment each other in all the ways we are different.  I love him.  John has gifts and it is my mission to help him bring those out and shine.  I learned last night that his company does ZERO leader development.  HE is a leader in his work. He NEEDS leader development and I will make sure I am sharing with him what I learn.  He said he likes videos more than books, which I already knew.  I will share what I watch, and what I see. He WILL blossom (even though that is a word he probably doesn't want to have associated with him because he is so manly!) He will though.  He just needs time to grow.

So, last night after the benefit we had a great talk.  I admitted to him what he already knew.  My job in direct sales is a stepping stone for where I am going.  I will not quit or give up my pursuit of success with my business because I believe it is vital to the growth and discovery of who I am and how I am going to best help people with their own growth.

In other words, my direct sales business is another one of my squirrels.  An intentional journey across the field collecting what I need (all my little nuts), a run up a tree, and a trusting leap from branch to branch.  I have faith my landing will be secure and I will not fall.  I may fail from here to there, but failure is the only way I can learn.  

I will not let my gifts be squashed.  I will not bottle them up any more.  I will write as much as I can and I will share with all who will listen.  I am put on this earth to make people feel good.  I am here to direct on a positive and forward path.  I am here to help people build their own confidence in life, so they can start living the life they WANT to live, and not the life they are forced to live.  

​I am here for reason, and I have a purpose...

So today we didn't chase squirrels.  Jack chased a baby bunny in our yard, trapped it, and then HOWLED as I set it free. Sorry Jack.  Bunnies have a soft spot in my heart even if they do eat things.  

No walk today.  Ironically enough, I just pulled the angel card "nature" when I asked what my message was today.  Oops.  I guess I should have.  

I am heading to a funeral of a friend who lost her battle with AML.  97 days she fought that horrible cancer.  She fought it with bravery, grace, and faith.  Amazing. My heart is sad today.  How short life can be, but as Anna said, God has a different plan for her.  She is an angel flying high and free today, and I thank her for how much she taught me to life while she was dying. 

​Peace to you Anna.

Today Jackson and I walked a different direction.  Everyday we take basically the same predictable path, but today we turned the other way.  

At first, Jack was okay.  He was his happy self, wagging his tail and bouncing from yard to yard. Right away he spotted his first squirrel.  The walk was good. Then, we got to the end of the road.  He stopped, glanced up at me, and waited for my direction.  I led him on a different path to the Squirrel Park.  The walk was slower. He was a little unsure. He kept pausing, looking at me, and stayed a little closer than normal.

When we finally reached the park his spirit lit up a little bit more, but there were still pauses of uncertainty in his walk.  He didn't stray from the path like he normally does. Instead he walked forward and even missed a few squirrel sightings that I captured (I didn't tell him).  

When we were about to the end of the park path, Jackson panicked a little.  He ran into the field, looking up at the trees.  Desperately seeking that squirrel.  At this time, I was getting a little warm. The air was chilly today so I wore a sweatshirt over my cami.  A stopped to remove my sweatshirt so I could tie it around my waist.  I placed the leash in between my legs and continued to instruct Jackson to "STAY".  Then it happened.  He saw a squirrel. With lightening speed he raced off.  Yanking the leash from my legs.  I yelled to him, but he continued his mission. Jackson is a dog who has been known to run.  He can't be left off the leash!  I chased after him as fast as I could run. I would reach him, try and step on the leash, and off he would go again. He was nearing the big open field and I knew if he discovered the opening to that, the race would REALLY be on!  I yelled "Jackson STOP"!!!!  He paused, just enough for me to pounce on the soaking wet leash, pick it up, place it in my hands, and BREATHE.  

What a bummer for him.  He tried to run further into the woods and I gently pulled on the leash and encouraged him to continue on our path.  

When we neared the road we needed to cross to return home, the confusion came back.  There had been only 2 squirrel sightings.  Normally Jackson would run across this road, but today he only walked.  When we reached the other side, he paused looked up at me, and I led him in the right direction.  Overall our walk was slower today, but I reminded him, that at least we took the time to take the walk.

As I was watching Jackson during our walk, I started to think about what was going through his little brain and it occurred to me that even though he is a dog,we can all relate to walking in a different direction.  Taking a new step to hopefully embrace and accept change.  The new direction can be scary.  The new path uncertain.  We begin with excitement of the "new", but when we realize we are unsure of where we are going, our intensity slows and we pause a little bit more.  We look to those who we are familiar with and trust to show us the way.  We have to learn to trust the unknown, move forward with FAITH that all will be okay and our destination will be what we have hoped for.  We have to realize the path will not be easy, but with continued forward movement, our destination will come into focus.  I have learned, and continue to learn that the destination will not "just happen". I have learned I play the part in making it happen, by choosing to be intentional about what I want and when that choice is made, I carve the path of how I am going to get there.

Here is where I am stuck.  I am working towards figuring out exactly it is WHAT I WANT so I can make my direction and path more intentional.  I feel like by my admission yesterday about bringing writing back into my life, I have changed the direction of my focus.  However, I cannot forget, or let go of the choice to move forward with my Direct Sales Business.  I WANT this business to succeed so deeply, and will continue to figure out what that looks like for me.  It is through the success of my business that I believe I will experience opportunities to challenge and expand on my true heart and mind's passion.  The combination of writing and leading my team, along with success in in my PERSONAL BUSINESS are SUCH a compliment to each other, and I think I just "thought" through my thoughts while writing...  

I want to be a SUCCESSFUL TEAM LEADER with my company, train with intention and positivity, and reach and inspire people with my writings.  THAT is what I want.

"You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight."  - Jim Rohn

I started this blog 2 years ago.  I have been inconsistent in my entries, but the underlying theme has been the same.  I write about things that happen to me, what I learn from them, and thoughts that just pop in my head,  

I started this Blog over frustration of feeling misunderstood.  I was following in a path with 2 jobs.  Jobs I love, but jobs I would eventually have to condense into one.  I chose my Direct Selling biz over my preschool.  I have always felt this job gives me a chance to do more of what I love.  I get to use my God given talents in the ways I want.  However, this journey is far from over.

On May 26th, 2017 I "Graduated" from preschool.  I closed the doors on a job I had a passion for at a time in my life when it fit.  I knew it would not be the ""rest of my life" job, but rather a stepping stone in my life.  A step in the direction of what I would be when I realized my full potential.  What did I like about it? What did I gain personally from it?  
Likes:  

• Flexibility with daily schedule while raising my own 3 young kids.
• I was my own boss.
• The money was FANTASTIC!!!
• I was able to decide how I got to run my school.  My rules, my way.  

What did I gain?

• Knowledge on running a business ( I had no idea how helpful this would become).
• Satisfaction that my children were being raised by myself and my husband.  They were not growing up in daycare (this was the way I always vowed how it would be).
• Financial independence.  I was able to be a stay at home mom and contribute to our income at the same time.

What didn't I like?

• The inflexibility of not being able to get in my car whenever I wanted to and go some place.
• People showing up at my house before the doors opened.
• Taking care of infants (they RUN the schedule).
• Dealing with the demands of certain parents.
• As much as I like the money, I began to get resentful of the fact that the money was so good, I would never be able to get out of this business.

Then came my career in Direct Sales....  This opportunity gave me all the things on my positive list. With a lot of hard work, I could see my out. FINALLY!!!  I worked hard, I built and am still building a business.  I LOVE what I do.  I get to help people create a safer environment for themselves and their families.  I teach them how easy it is to reduce the harmful chemicals in their homes.  I get to help. These are all just fantastic perks of this job.  However, as much as this sounds good it doesn't get me excited. I know I am doing good things and I know I am good at what I do. However, there is an emotional disconnect.  This is the part of my job that doesn't make my eyes light up.  It doesn't get me talking really fast out of excitement, it doesn't take away the lingering feeling of "this is not entirely IT for me".  However, there is a part of my job that does bring out all these feelings within me.  I get to help people start their own business.  I get to help people develop WHO they are, grow into their own passion, and GAIN CONFIDENCE in WHO THEY ARE! I get to help people develop their potential and carve their own path of making a difference in this world.  THAT gets me excited.  THAT makes me happy.

I just admitted this today.  I have been working with a coach trying to hone in on my direct sales business skills and I have been doing a lot of self reflection.  Who am I? Where did Sarah go?  Seriously, where did I go????  How do I get back.  

My angel cards are basically screaming at me to listen.  They are telling me there are messages all around and I need to listen to them.  Why am I not listening?  

Today I started.  I cleaned the wax out of my ears, opened the canals, and turned up the volume.  What I found is the answers have been right in front of me all along.  It took me talking to my coach and having her say "This is what I am hearing you say, I have heard you say that before, What do you think about this?".  The answers??? They were RIGHT in front of me.  

This summer I have found myself on many paths.  I have listened to many podcasts and trainings about how to do things better.  How should I train my own team.  How can I best help my customers.  I was getting lost and confused.  Too many ideas, too many ways to do things.  I would start something and not finish it because I would see something, or hear something that maybe was better and I would head in that direction (squirreling).  Then it hit me.  When I finally told my coach that my Direct Sales business as a whole is really not my passion, and I would love to write and book and be an inspirational speaker, it was like opening the door to a bird cage.  FREE. Oh my gosh, can I really do this? Can I write and develop that passion while at the same time running my business successfully?  Can I devote my creative energy to 2 things once AGAIN?  Will this impact my business?  SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!  The answer is...  I can't afford to NOT try.  My coach was correct when she said she thinks doing something like this will relax the part of my brain that is holding me back and will have a positive impact on everything.  This is the same advice I gave my husband when he was really stressed at work.  He needed a creative outlet.  I DO need this.  My Dad has been telling me to write a book for years.  He told me I need to write again when I am finished with preschool.  When I have more time.  I told him at the time I could not even LET my brain go there.  I was mentally exhausted from working so hard for so long.  Write.  NO WAY.  Well, here I am, WRITING!  I was telling my coach a story about my dog (whom I am obsessed with). I know now I need to write this story down for the record.  

Chasing Squirrels:
Almost every day I go on a morning walk with my 14 lb brown, long haired, dachsund name Jackson.  He walks diligently with me for the first half of our walk.  He allows me to lead him. He is just so happy to be outside!  We have our normal path for the most part and it is all sidewalk at the beginning.  Then we cross the road...  When we are across the road, I let the leash go to full length and the chase begins. We have now entered "Squirrel Park".  Jackson runs excitedly towards to path and into the trees, smelling for the furry animals he wants so badly to catch.  It is now HIS turn to lead.  Jackson takes off running full speed dragging me panting behind him.  We go to the tree, he looks up, whines, sniffs around, and with a little tug of the leash, he begins his search again.  Most days he sees 1 - 3 squirrels.  Some days there are none.  These days we don't see any are the hardest, because desperation sets in and as we turn to walk home, he runs to all the trees looking up, waiting for ONE LAST possibility to look at the mysterious grey furry and fast animal.

Last weekend was different.  We walked into the park and saw and chased 12 squirrels before I had to stop and rest. They were EVERYWHERE!!!  He treed 3 squirrels in a triangle of trees all at once.  I truly believe this was one of the highlights of his little life.  Overall, we saw at least 20 squirrels and it was almost impossible to drag him away from the park without picking him up.  

The point of my story is this.  EVERYDAY Jackson is excited when we go to the park.  His tail wags and his enthusiasm shows.  He LOVES what he is doing and he has a purpose.  It doesn't matter if he is successful in his mission, because the next day he will turn around and try again.  He is steadfast in his journey, boringly consistent with the path he runs, and his eagerness for success pays off with his consistent dedication. THIS is the message I have learned from my four legged friend.  THIS is why I will now dedicate my writing time to learning the simple things I need to know and remember.  I will share what I learn.  Where I once looked at "squirreling" as a distraction, It is through this lesson and many more I will now look at it as a stepping stone. My wise little Jackson and I will CONTINUE CHASING SQUIRRELS.